Reality Check?

Spent more than a month away from my site, during which most of the time I had full access to hot showers, washers and dryers (or affordable laundry services), and flush toilets. Now I’m back in Kapangan and am wondering what the heck actually constitutes the “real world”. Washed every stitch of my dirty vacation clothes by hand. By HAND. And hung them out to dry.

Peace Corps . . . it’s life in another rhythm. And I like it. Even though I hate it sometimes. I like it more than I hate it. And that’s why I’ve decided to stay.

Some of you know that I’ve been thinking of early termination (et-ing) from the Peace Corps and moving to Thailand to teach for the next year. While teaching in Thailand still intrigues and entices me, I have decided to stay here in the Philippines for the next year and finish what I began. I am proud to be a part of this organization. And I truly want to be the best impression of America that I can be.

Also, I realized a couple things recently that really helped me make my choice. I realized that I have spent a huge part of my life being afraid to try . . . and fail. In fact, to try and fail is probably one of the scariest propositions I could imagine. And yet, I have tried and failed at some stuff since I’ve been here. And I’m still here and I’m okay. So what the heck? I’m going to try . . . and see what happens. I will do my best. (As my Filipino friends say) come what may.

The other thing I realized is that I have spent most of my life worrying and making choices based on what [I think] other people think. But . . . that’s not working out for me very well these days. So I’ve decided to change this strategy. Here’s the plan: I’m done with worrying about what [I think] other people think. I am going to do what feels right to me . . . not live my life worrying about what everyone else thinks I should do. It is impossible to please everybody anyway. And at the end of the day, I am really the one whose approval I need to be happy.

And with these couple of paradigm shifts my life at site feels much better than it felt before I left on vacation. Like things look brighter and feel lighter.

I also know that going home and seeing my people really gave me the boost I needed to be able to carry on. It was just so darn good to hug and squeeze and giggle and play with my baby Abey and to . . hehehe . . hug and squeeze and giggle and play with the rest of you guys! I cherish every memory of every minute :-) of that trip.

So enough. That’s enough for now. I’m here and happy and hoping for a busy, productive, and satisfying second year of this Peace Corps experience. Love to all. Take care. And God bless.