Getting Close

I've been in country for almost two months now and pre-service training is rapidly coming to an end. I'm feeling a mixture of things. On one hand, it feels like I've been here much longer than two months and on the other hand, I can't believe how fast the time has flown.

I feel excited and overwhelmed and nervous and sad and happy . . . all at the same time. I'm really looking forward to life in Kapangan and to all the challenges that working in the High School and in the community will bring. But I also feel anxious about much of my assignment. We don't receive our "technical training" for three months. All the training we have had so far has been in language and community entry skills. This is because for our first three months at site Peace Corps wants us to focus on establishing and developing good relationships with our coworkers and people in our communities. I'm just a bit concerned that my supervisor wants me to "get to work" as soon as I arrive and that I won't have all the knowledge that I need yet. Oh well. I have a feeling that Human Relations degree might come in handy after all :-)

And I'm feeling a bit blue about leaving my cluster mates and the other 15 trainees that are in Northern Luzon. We have had lots of good times together and having each other has really helped with the transition into this place. It's tough enough to be one of four Americans in a community. I have a feeling that being the only one will be interesting. Kind of like living in a fish bowl. Not to mention that internet is at least two hours away (depending on the road). Maybe some of you will write me letters! That would be great.

I also feel sad about leaving my current host family. Mrs. Norma Dalire has been an entertaining and most gracious hostess. She is funny and blunt and kind and compassionate and bold and daring and strong and ornery. Kind of like me. That's probably why I like her so much! And the rest of the people that live in the compound have all become precious to me, too. The other night I was staying at NVSU in Bayombong. Grace, one of the 15 year old girls that lives there texted me to ask "Madam Tracy, when are you coming home?" That just made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I will also miss Manang Winnie and Ading Susan. (Manang and ading mean older and younger sister - both are terms of respect.) Winnie and Susan are the house helpers. They cook for me and wash my clothes and get me tricycles in the morning and make sure I have snacks to take with me and help me practice my Ilokano. They speak very little English, so we communicate in more ways than with just words. Mostly we laugh and do hand signs and speak what little of each other's language we know and then laugh some more. I will miss them both. A lot.

So . . . I'm just feeling a mixture of things right now and it's a bit overwhelming. But it's okay. Because, truth be told, I still believe that this was right choice for me and I wouldn't change a thing. Love and miss you all.